I have had some interesting flashes of understanding since we started this business.  My dad had dementia, and he was incredibly frustrating to deal with at times.  In fact, I can safely say that it drove me bonkers some days and I wondered which one of us was the one with dementia.  To say it’s hard is a vast understatement.  It tries your patience, and howling at the moon, just to release the tension seems like a great idea.

Simple Tips for Coping With Dementia

• Use Respite Care, Home Care, Companion Care- and give yourself some space.  If you are in the firing line all of the time, it’s hard to step back from the situation and analyze what’s going on.  It’s also hard to get the mental rest you need, and getting frizzled out helps no-one.
• Keep your sense of humor.  It’s hard to come to the realization, that they don’t really understand what they’re saying, or the implications of what they’ve said or done.  For instance, my dad thought it was a great idea to go onto a boat to go fishing, even though he couldn’t really walk, and couldn’t have ever gotten on the boat to start with.
• Get counseling.  Understand that anger, grief, regret, and a lot of strong feelings on your part are perfectly normal.  Being able to let off that steam will help you deal with the extreme stress that is caring for a loved one with dementia.
• Understand that this will pass..  When you’re going through the situation of dealing with a loved one with dementia, it may seem like things go on forever, and you wonder how you’re ever going to make it.  It may be months or even years, but eventually the person will pass away.  You may even find yourself wishing that they’d go ahead and die.  That is a normal part of this process.  You aren’t a horrible person.  You are just a normal person in a horrible situation.
• Try to enjoy the little things.  It can be hard to accept that small times of lucidity are what you are getting, and that there may not be a great full day.  For me, it was enjoying listening to a story of long ago from my dad.  We would go out to meals several times per week, and those were the highlight of my week.  It could be painting nails with your mom.  Enjoy those little things.  The last time I saw my dad alive was at one of those dinners. We still hold those same traditions, because they are important to us.  They hold a lot of good memories.

Above everything, cut yourself some slack.  Coping with dementia can be incredibly difficult to do, and you’re just a human going through this incredible process.