Respecting Wishes
In Mary’s last blog post, she talked about how her parents didn’t want to be informed by the doctor if there was a diagnosis that was really bad. They wanted to be told only positive news, with any bad news filtered by Mary. Sometimes, a adult children caring for their parents are left trying to follow a parents’ wishes—even wishes that put them in a very difficult position. At the worst of times they have to follow wishes that are counter to their own, wishes that may be contrary to what the medical establishment would have them make.
In my own case, my father-in-law refused to receive any blood transfusions whatsoever. The fact that those same blood transfusions would likely have saved his life were beside the point. He did not wish to accept a blood donation. I’ve donated over 10 gallons of blood, and my husband has donated a number of times as well. We found ourselves having to argue with doctors who wanted to send him to the hospital for transfusions that he had declined. It didn’t matter that refusing them would lead to his death. We were simply following his wishes, even though they were counter to our own.
Too often when these types of situations happen, we don’t talk about the internal conflict they cause. The child who is handling the situation is left on their own to muddle through as best as they can. It’s tough. Those caregiver children need support, love, hugs, sympathy, and compassion; they truly are between a rock and a hard place. Being a caregiver is tough on the best of days. At the worst of times it can be bone-crushing.
You can help yourself by reaching out and by knowing your limits. Help can come in many forms such as respite care, a housekeeper, or a thousand other ways. Be creative. Ask for help and accept it when it is offered.
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About Author Haley Gray
Through the experience of being responsible for her mother and father's care, she discovered tremendous opportunity for improvement in how quality care is delivered. This company is the realization of that vision and dream—to provide care to her standards, and more importantly to yours.
Haley also established Leadership Girl: http://leadershipgirl.com
This is such a difficult subject to deal with, and heart breaking at times too.
i can’t imagine watching someone make choices that could go against their health, I don’t think I would be able to respect the wishes if it was my parent.